Forty Days
by Mint-Chocolate-Leaves
Summary: Forty days – nine hundred and sixty hours – 57600 minutes – 3456000 seconds – There's only so long you can be away from someone you love. SuFin.


Title: Forty Days

Character(s): _Finland + Sweden_

Summary: _Forty days – nine hundred and sixty hours – 57600 minutes – 3456000 seconds – There's only so long you can be away from someone you love. SuFin._

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[Fourteen days is so long.]

Sweden looks up at Finland with one of his rare smiles. His eyes dance in the sunlight, behind his glasses, but Finland can't quite grasp what's going on. The last thing he can remember was that he was trying to get some sleep – so why's he in the middle of his back garden with a country proclaimed dead.

"Berwald..." Finland whispers, his hand reaching out to the man in front of him on its own, "Sweden..."

Sweden nods, the movement so small that Finland almost doesn't see it, but his eyes capture Finland's, never once straying. Finland lets out a choked cry in his throat – this is the man he hasn't seen in a fortnight.

This is the man that Finland thought he'd never see again.

"Oh Sweden!" Finland cries as he throws himself at Sweden his arms capturing the country in an embrace he hasn't had in so long. "I thought you were gone..."

Sweden holds Finland in his arms, rubbing circles on Finland's back to comfort him. He doesn't say a word – just waits for Finland to calm down. It was always his way of making Finland feel better. He would always wait until Finland explains why he'd gotten so upset.

But then it ends – like everything does eventually – and Finland is left, blinking away sleep, looking at the darkness of his bedroom and holding back his tears.

[Twenty one days is like a life time.]

The remaining Nordic countries come to visit Finland, but he doesn't want to open the door to the threshold. He doesn't want to let them in, because when he does, they won't let him think of Berwald again – they'll occupy his thoughts on something else.

They'll tell him that Berwald's dead.

~_Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them~_

Finland lets them in – it saves getting it broken by Denmark – and the three of them start a carefree conversation, something none of them have had for a while. In another life, Finland can imagine Sweden sat next to him, comforting one of the other three on the subject of death.

He feels cold without Sweden sat next to him. He's just waiting until he can take another sleeping pill to see Sweden in his dreams again. He sighs, looking at each of his friends in turn.

Iceland looks as if he's had no sleep in a while, and Finland would tell him to go home and have some sleep, but he's actually enjoying having time not to think of Sweden's death.

Denmark is sitting unusually close to Norway, but Norway doesn't seem to notice the unusual break in to his personal space. If Sweden had been there, Finland would have asked him what his thoughts were on the subject.

Finland's heart aches – breaks all over again – and he just needs a moment to breathe properly before he dissolves into tears. He thought that he'd gotten past his mourning stage, but clearly he hasn't.

He closes his eyes. He can almost see Berwald when his eyes are closed, but he's always out of reach, as if a guardian angel is tugging him away from Finland in a cruel game of chase.

He tries not to cry, but by now it's part of his usual routine.

[Twenty eight days is torture.]

He needs the sleeping pills, Finland tells himself at night. He _needs _to see Sweden at night, and the medicine helps him stay asleep longer than he usually would. They give him more time with his lost love.

Estonia doesn't usually visit, but apparently Russia let him have a day off and so that's why he's at the door. Finland's glad that it's not his other friends, because Estonia doesn't bring up Sweden, but he doesn't force Finland not to.

This time Finland doesn't cry. His tears stopped around the twenty-fifth day without his sweetheart, stopping just below his neck, making it so that he doesn't drown in his misery.

Finland remembers how quiet Italy became when Holy Roman Empire passed away – he wonders how on earth he managed to live without him. He panics when he realises that he too has to live without Sweden. Without his shy boyfriend who used to waltz with him to their favourite song...

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid," Estonia brings him back to the present, an expectant expression on his face. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the same way Sweden used to, and gives Finland a pleading look with his eyes.

Finland nods numbly. He won't. He'll do everything in his way to heal, because that's what Sweden would have wanted.

[Thirty five days is agony.]

Today is a good day. Finland doesn't feel the heartbreak so much, and he feels normal for the time being. He decides that today he'll go back to his normal life.

Attending the world meeting with Norway and Denmark by his side, he sits calmly in his chair. It's hard and not comfortable compared to the bed he's grown so used to staying in, but he supposes that he'll be able to manage for a while.

It's shocking to see how much people have changed since he last saw them all. Germany and Italy walk a little closer to each other and Prussia walks in with his arm around someone Finland's doesn't quite remember.

Everyone speaks out their opinions – excluding Finland – and they are all taken into consideration, and before he knows it Finland's lost track of the conversation and he can't help but stare at the empty chair to his left. The pain is insufferable, and suddenly it's a bad day again, but the smile his friends give him makes him stay quite. He doesn't want to disappoint them again.

He feels as if someone's ripped out his heart, and has left him on the floor to bleed out. Red covering the white floors - to love someone, is to lose the innocence of white, and prepare for the danger of red.

Finland decides that he doesn't want to go to world meetings anymore.

[He doesn't reach forty-two days.]

It's the fortieth day when he decides he can't deal with waking up without his love. Thoughts of _what if, _and whispers of, _why not, _cloud his vision, and he finds that he just can't deal with the pain anymore.

He prefers his dreams, when he's able to visit Sweden. He prefers the times when they meet again. It was always going to end with Sweden and Finland never quite reaching each other, and Finland decides he's sick of it.

He just wants to stay in his dreams. He picks up the packet of his sleeping pills, the box whispers promises in his ears. Promises of sleep, of being rejoined with the one he loves – promises of happiness and being able to heal a broken heart. A promise of being able to see Sweden for more than just a few minutes...

He looks at the box again – looks at the instructions. _...No more than two tablets in twenty-four hours... _it tells him. The box taunts him, laughing at him as he stares down at the medication in his hand.

He doesn't want to break the rules, but he once promised Sweden that he'd do anything to be with him. So he does... he exceeds the limit, telling himself that he's not being stupid, that he's not breaking his promise to Estonia.

He just wants to see his sweetheart again. He just wants to be with Sweden again.

The medicine kicks in quicker than Finland had expected, and his eyelids droop as he yawns. He doesn't fight the sensation – the fact that he's going to be with Sweden soon lulls him into a false sense of security, and he shuts his eyes.

He just hopes that Sweden's waiting for him in the middle of his back garden when he dreams again.

[Forty days – nine hundred and sixty hours – 57600 minutes – 3456000 seconds – **_There's only so long you can be away from someone you love._**]

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Additional Notes:

_Writing this made me cry inside, because I love these two and I hate that Sweden is dead, and eventually Finland. The quote in the ~ things is by George Eliot. _

_Anyways, this is dedicated to 'Estella Tweak' so I really hope you all like it. As with most of my other One-shots, this is the first time I've written this pairing, so if they aren't in character, you can rant at me in a PM. Tell me if you liked it in a review, or by favouriting it._

_I take requests for any pairing - I'll write a oneshot for you if you ask. I'm also pretty quick at it as well, so you wont be waiting months for it. I write all genre's to the best of my ability. _

_Anyways Ciao, Mint~_

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If you liked this oneshot, why not check out my other One-shots:

- **Muse **(GerIta)

-** Silver Sweet **(DenNor)


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